


I'm Just Killing Time

by thesaroscycle



Series: True Love Waits [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/F, Happy Ending, Holidays, M/M, OFC - Freeform, both bc i have no self control lol, honey is bee's cat, kevin was forgotten for. most of this tbh, nothing is bad ever, teen rating is for brief mention of mostly cannon events, yall know how it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 09:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16699741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaroscycle/pseuds/thesaroscycle
Summary: He was sat in the most comfortable armchair in the back, the book in his lap closed but well-worn and dog-eared, one of the things that annoyed Bee to no end. His glasses sat on the table next to him, along with the hot chocolate Bee had made earlier in the morning that had gone cold. He stared out the window into a cloudless blue sky, squinting at the late morning sun and blurry trees. It was getting warm enough outside for the frost to melt on the grass, and late enough for people to start coming in. He couldn’t wish more for fall, when the sky would be gray and the chill would last all day rather than just early morning. Everything seemed to be holding its breath for the coming summer, for longer days and warmer mornings. Andrew couldn’t be less excited for summer; of all their town’s 70-degree-high summers, it was still hot enough for Andrew to melt in his stubbornly consistent black wardrobe.





	I'm Just Killing Time

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> this took me a while to write and is barely edited, so if you see something that doesn't add up tell me!  
> i honestly dont know where this came from lol i just started writing it  
> there is talk of pasts and mentions of panic attacks, but that's all that comes to mind tw wise  
> i have ideas for a sequel in neils pov so lmk if youre interested in that  
> enjoy!!

1.

Bee’s bookstore had just opened when Honey nearly escaped again. It’s still early enough in the year that there is frost on the grass when they open and just cold enough that people tend to barge into stores without reading the bright red bolded, underlined and italicized message in all caps to watch out for a cat when they walk in. The person that had just come, for example, had been staring at his phone when he came in, nearly missing the gold colored streak making a break for the door. Luckily, he caught her in time, the bell above the door ringing angrily as he shut it and put her down, Bee advancing threateningly while telling him to _read_ _the_ _sign—_ Andrew has seen this scene a hundred times over and tunes them out, looking away from them at his look-out point in the back of the shop.

He was sat in the most comfortable armchair in the back, the book in his lap closed but well-worn and dog-eared, one of the things that annoyed Bee to no end. His glasses sat on the table next to him, along with the hot chocolate Bee had made earlier in the morning that had gone cold. He stared out the window into a cloudless blue sky, squinting at the late morning sun and blurry trees. It was getting warm enough outside for the frost to melt on the grass, and late enough for people to start coming in. He couldn’t wish more for fall, when the sky would be gray and the chill would last all day rather than just early morning. Everything seemed to be holding its breath for the coming summer, for longer days and warmer mornings. Andrew couldn’t be less excited for summer; of all their town’s 70-degree-high summers, it was still hot enough for Andrew to melt in his stubbornly consistent black wardrobe.

Andrew stood to help Bee when she waved him over and started stacking the new books on displays and shelves, letting Bee deal with talking to people. While Bee encouraged him to socialize, she understood he preferred to do it under his own terms. He was more of an acquired taste himself, anyway. As the day warmed outside, more people poured into the shop, most knowing to look out for Honey and others having more close calls. Most had come in with coffee from the shop next door that Andrew bet to himself at least one of would be spilled in the next ten minutes.

This was how most of his day would go, and he had strangely come to enjoy how mundane it was. After the wild ride he’d had in college, he was glad to finally have a few quiet years, and would enjoy them for as long as he could.  He liked spending days only talking to Bee and occasionally Renee, reading his books and petting Honey. He enjoyed working at the shop and, occasionally, on good days, helping customers with what they needed.

That is, until a customer really did spill coffee on some books, and Andrew had to walk into the back rooms to keep from chewing them out for not being careful and let Bee take care of it.

That night, after Bee had left and Andrew locked the front and back doors, he picked up Honey and brought her down the staircase in the back room, opening the door to the basement level of Bee’s store and into his rooms. They’d made a deal when Andrew had started working there that he would pay for his rent out of his pay check, and still have the rest for food and anything else he wanted. He knew Bee didn’t take as much as she should’ve, but couldn’t complain; he knew from the finances he dealt with for the store than Bee had enough money to live comfortably many times over by herself, and didn’t really need to have the store at all.

The floor below the store was one room with a bathroom off to the side, the added kitchen almost an afterthought. Bee said she’d bought the place as-is, since it was the last house for sale on the main street. Every piece of furniture was mostly bare and cheap, the TV on the stand something he’d saved from college and the only mildly expensive thing the blankets on his bed. Bee suggested that he decorate the place a little every time she was invited downstairs, and every time Andrew said he liked it the way it was. The blank walls and floors and everything else helped him fall asleep, and made it hard to focus on anything too much when he was having a bad day.

He set Honey down, who immediately jumped onto his bed and made her way to his pillow. He’d stopped trying to get her off his bed after the first few nights, when she helped ground him after a nightmare. He went through his nightly routine, in the bathroom and through the small kitchen and finally in bed, the TV quiet white noise as he stared at the ceiling and pet Honey. He supposed the way he lived wasn’t too bad; he had a home, and a cat, and a job, and something like an adult figure. He didn’t have to worry about money and could get himself out of bed most days. When Bee told him what she was doing when she retired, and offered a job to him, he knew what he wanted to do, at least for a few years. Him and his family’s expectations could get fucked.

 

 2.

Renee came into the shop every Monday like clockwork, looking through all the shelves for something new to read and picking up anything that looked interesting. She buys whatever she finds and then talks to Andrew for a few hours, about whatever she can think of. They argue about the likeliness of aliens invading, of apocalypse and of what kind, of what-ifs and political debates. Since they seem to have conflicting viewpoints on nearly everything (or Andrew just enjoys being conflicting too much) they can talk about nothing for hours, verbally sparring until Renee has to leave. Today, though, she seems to want to talk about more personal things.

“How are you doing, Andrew?” She asked, faking innocence, like she hadn’t been able to tell when he was having a bad day since his freshman year of college.

Andrew just threw her a look as he continued unpacking boxes, knowing what she was digging for. Unfortunately, Renee knew him very well and just kept going. “I was mostly asking because you seemed tired today. Bee also told me about Honey’s near escape again this morning; that must’ve been stressful. Have you and Bee ever thought about getting a gate for the front door? I don’t know how much it’ll help, but it might make it harder for her to get out.”

Andrew thought about that one; it was incredibly frustrating to keep worrying about Honey getting out. He couldn’t really think of another solution other than to keep her downstairs, which she would hate. Andrew said he would mention it, and Renee beamed at him.

“How is therapy going?” She asked, and Andrew went back to glaring at her.

 

 

 

 3.

Honey got out. Andrew and Bee didn’t know how, but they couldn’t find her anywhere in the store, which means she wasn’t in the store, she was out in the roads, and Andrew can’t stop thinking about what he’s going to do if he loses her. He understands that cats do not live as long as humans, but he also can’t stand the thought of losing Honey. Bee enlists the help of the employees from the coffee shop, all of whom Andrew knows but pretends he doesn’t, and the managers, who are old friends of Bee’s that Andrew knows because she’s invited them over some of the days Andrew stays at her house.

It’s not even dark yet and Andrew is already in the throes of panic. He hates that he can’t manage to keep calm like he used to, or even clear his thoughts until he was empty—everything was too personal now, too close for him to be apathetic towards.

When Andrew had first met Honey, she’d been a kitten that Bee had adopted and brought home a few months after the bookstore’s opening. She was small, and golden, and liked to chew on everything, including paper and people. Regardless, Andrew found himself wanting to protect the little thing, even if he never called her by her name and rarely ever sought her out when he visited Bee’s house. She grew older, though, and while she didn’t stop trying to eat the pages of books for attention she did stop scratching everyone in sight, so Bee began bringing her into work with her most days. Then she became a permanent fixture when Andrew took her downstairs on a bad day and Bee brought Honey’s things for him to keep the next day. Since then, she’d become part of his life—a part he didn’t think he could bear without. He’d built his own life out of Bee and her shop and her cat, and for a moment, Andrew was furious with himself for becoming so weak, so vulnerable, so dependent on something as simple as reading and cats—and then his phone started ringing, and he didn’t think of much else.

It was Bee, with some sort-of good news. Someone had found Honey on the road, not dead but in pretty bad shape, and had taken her to the vet, who had called her when they scanned for a chip. They said she had a broken leg, and they were almost sure they wouldn’t have to amputate but wouldn’t be 100% until after surgery. They said she would live, though; that’s what Bee kept repeating to Andrew while he walked to the veterinary office—“ _She’ll be fine, Andrew. She’ll live_.”

Bee and Renee are both waiting in the office for him, and stand when he walks in, making him feel like while he walked over they managed to lose her. Bee assures him she’s fine, though, and says she’ll be out in a few hours, and why don’t you sit down, Andrew, you look exhausted.

Andrew does sit down, and he is tired—he didn’t notice when, but the sun had gone down while he was looking. Bee says she sent everyone from the coffee shop home, and Renee handed him some water she had in her bag, always prepared for the worst. Andrew mentioned this, and she pulled back into their conversation from Monday, about a potential apocalypse and what they’d go back for. Bee jumped right in with a few ideas of her own, and they passed the time that way until a vet of some sort came out asking for the owner of one Honey Dobson.

She had a broken leg, which they had to go in and put back in place, and told them what they needed to do for her so she wouldn’t make it any worse. They’d put her in a box with a plastic cone on her head to keep her from biting her cast, and was yowling like she had the right to after scaring the shit out of Andrew like that. Andrew didn’t let anyone else carry her on the drive back, though, and as soon as he got home and in his basement he made sure she wouldn’t be running around for the night. She still laid down on his bed, leg wrapped in a bright pink cast, her long yellow fur shaved on one side, recently washed and smelling of iodine.

 

 4.

Bee bought a gate for the front door. When people ask where Honey is, Bee points to the empty bottom bookshelf next to the desk—they can make sure she doesn’t try to jump around that way. Honey loathes her cast, but seems to hate the cone even more, so they’d set up some sort of agreement: as long as she didn’t have to wear the cone, she wouldn’t touch her cast—when they were looking, at least. Bee and Andrew thought this was just fine.

Andrew makes sure to stay inside the shop most days, since summer seemed in full swing outside and he didn’t want to be a part of it. People coming in with iced coffees now made him even angrier; there was no way he was gonna walk over when it was over fifty outside. Bee tried to tell him it wasn’t that hot, but he wasn’t having it—for all that he grew up in Cali, he had always been more partial to the cold then he had to heat. Andrew told Bee as much, and she just nodded, though her mouth twitched like she wanted to smile.

That being said, Andrew did not refuse when Renee offered to get drinks next door.

 

 5.

By the end of summer, Honey is running around again and still trying to get out the door—only to be met by the gate, which she had started fighting, too. Bee and Andrew make extra sure to watch the door for Honey running through someone’s legs, or to listen for Honey crashing into the gate someone closes it behind them.

It’s September, which means a lot more people are walking in and out the shop, with school starting and the trees changing. Bee gets a shipment of schedules and school books, which Andrew finds a pain to stack on their display tables, and even more to try and read—what kind of math were they teaching? Andrew could hardly understand a word. From what he’d heard of the kids buying the books, they couldn’t either—it made Andrew glad he’d graduated college, which is something he’d never expect.

Bee was mostly busy planning an author event, which gave more time to Andrew to do nothing when she didn’t need help. It also gave him a chance to check his phone once in his life, which gave him a chance to see what his family was up to. Apparently it wasn’t much; Aaron claimed to be dying from his work load—his fault for going to more school after graduating—and Nicky was yelling about the house he and Erik had finally bought, in a very well-to-do neighborhood in Germany. He updated them shortly about Honey and how she was doing, and how the store was faring, and how Bee was. They seemed surprised that he’d texted them, and then continued to badger him for what his plans were for the holidays.

He complained to Bee about their behavior, and instead of being on his side, suggested he invite them all down for thanksgiving. He thinks that’s a terrible idea, and tells her as much—but thinks about it. As much as he hates the thought of all of them being in the same place at once, and having to deal with them and their spouses, he admits it would be nice to see them. Bee tells him they only bother him because they’re worried, and it only annoys him because he misses them, which Andrew says is bullshit even though it’s the truth. When she puts on her therapist face and starts asking why he thinks that is, he draws the line and picks up Honey, heading down the stairs.

 

 6.

Andrew texts them later that night if they would like to come to his for thanksgiving. They both agree to meet him with various degrees of enthusiasm. Nicky says he’s excited to finally meet Honey, and Aaron says he would like to meet Bee and ask how she got through her schooling. Andrew feels pretty okay the rest of the night, and doesn’t answer Bee when she texts him after telling her they’d be coming down for the week.

 

 7.

September passes fairly quickly, the first of October bringing the Fucker. He’s stick thin and still shivering from his time outside, looking five seconds from running away and two from keeling over. Bee tells him quietly while they both lock up that she found him in the alley and had said he could stay the night, since it’d gotten cold so fast. The owner of the coffee shop, Wymack, had told her about him, and how he’d been throwing out perfectly good food, since the kid seemed to need it.  He’d never gotten too close to Wymack, but didn’t seem to mind Bee that much, despite his flighty-ness.

Andrew hated him. He looked like trouble, and like something that would disrupt his routine he’d had for the past two years. Andrew could tell he was right as soon as Bee offers him a job and the room upstairs and the kid nearly pitches forward and onto the floor. Andrew _hated_ him, and his too-obvious fidgeting, and his shifting eyes, and the secrets he practically wore on his sleeve. He couldn’t stand him. And yet, when Bee asks if that would be alright with him—she was giving him a choice to say no, a chance to continue to live alone in his own space with his cat and his books—he nodded anyway.

The boy refused a number of times before Bee could convince him, promising he could pay off what rent for the room by working for her and still have a paycheck, and get a roof over his head all in one go. He eventually agreed, promising it was only until he got back on his feet, and to pay her back whatever he owed her. She agreed, mostly for his sake rather than hers, since both she and Andrew knew if the kid didn’t think it was an equal trade, he wouldn’t accept it.

The kid’s name was Neil. His eyes were a fake brown and his hair was an auburn color that was dyed a faded black at the ends, like the trees outside. Andrew hated this boy and his ability to make Andrew hate him, to make Andrew compare him to the season. Andrew knew very well disasters like Neil could never go over well.

Neil started work the next day, and Andrew began his new game: to see how long he could go without talking to Neil. Knowing himself, he would lose very soon.

 

 8.

Andrew _hated_ Neil. He didn’t care how much Bee liked him, or how the employees from the shop next door seemed to have adopted him immediately, or how good he was with Honey. He was always twitchy, always knew a way out of a room, and seemed to be just as wary of Andrew as Andrew was of him. Andrew can’t fucking _stand_ him.

He mentions this to Bee one morning before Neil gets back from his run (has Andrew mentioned that yet? Because he runs every morning before they open. Who the fuck _was_ this guy?) and she gave him her therapy look—the one that says _you’re not being honest with yourself right now._ He tells her he can’t stand her either, and she just laughs.

Neil comes back looking like he barely ran at all and goes to take a shower in his loft upstairs a few minutes before they open the doors. Andrew nearly slams the books he’s holding on the table but stops when Honey jumps up on it, rubbing up against his hands. He puts them down gently with a sigh and picks her up, bringing her with him behind the counter, where he’s stationed for the day.

Now that Bee has more people at the shop, she takes more time working on her own stuff in the back while Neil and Andrew man the front. He thinks she might be doing it on purpose, but can’t be totally sure because if he asks she’ll know he noticed, and that will be a confession in itself.

Of course, this also means Neil’s friends from the shop next door come over on their breaks to bother them. _Them,_ as in _both_ of them, because they’ve decided they like Andrew too, despite the fact he tries to radiate _asshole_ 24/7. Despite him constantly telling them how much he hates them, they laugh about it like he’s joking. He’s _not._ He liked it when it was just him and Bee and Honey and sometimes Renee. He liked it when it was _quiet._

When he talks to Bee about it (in their now very little time together alone) she says that yes, maybe he did like it when it was just them, but did he like it more than now when he had more people to talk to? Did he not like everyone talking to him or did he not like the change in their routine they’d maintained the past few years? Did he not like their loudness or did he not like the fact that he _liked_ how loud they were, and that’s why he didn’t like it?

Andrew didn’t know why he asked her at all.

 

 9.

Neil Josten was a fucking _cryptid_ and Andrew didn’t understand him at all.

When he stopped outright loathing his existence at the shop (Bee’s little therapist speech might have helped a little, but he would never tell her) he realized that even if he hadn’t he would’ve been annoyed by him anyway. Not only did he not know how to hold a conversation or socialize like a normal person, but he couldn’t even function like one. He understood why Matt and the others had decided to take care of him, since he needed taking so much care of.

Neil didn’t eat anything unless someone reminded him. He got caught up and distracted by anything vaguely interesting, which included strange book title and covers—the amount of times Andrew has almost dropped whole boxes of books on his feet because he nearly ran into Neil, standing in the middle of the aisle, reading a book that had caught his eye is too many for him to want to count. He seemed to have a one-track mindset most days, which meant that unless someone was there to tell him to do something else he’d stand around and do the same thing the whole day. Andrew had no idea this was a problem until they’d lost both Neil and Honey and found them both curled up in the very back of the shop, Neil reading the book that had just come in that wasn’t even released yet and Honey in his lap, sleeping.

The reason he ran every morning was revealed the same time Andrew finally said a full sentence to him, when Andrew was up in the kitchen at four in the morning and nearly tripped over his foot. Andrew flicked on the lights to see Neil sat on the kitchen tile, pale faced and breathing fast, keys in one hand and phone in the other. After calming him down enough some color returned to his face, and his grip on his keys wasn’t so white-knuckled, Andrew asked what he was doing in the kitchen. When his only answer was the word _nightmare,_ Andrew told him he was up most nights for the same. Instead of running that morning, Andrew had made them both tea, and Neil had sat down with Andrew in Bee’s chairs and read until Bee had come in to open.

So sometimes Neil was a little _less_ than annoying, but only because Andrew was finally getting used to him. Maybe he was the actual cat of the shop; Honey had warmed up to Neil immediately, more than she did the rest of the customers, while it had taken Andrew months.

 

 10.

Andrew had forgotten to tell Nicky about Neil, and Neil about Nicky, which meant when his cousin came crashing into the bookshop a day before they closed for Thanksgiving, Neil had nearly run out of the shop like some scared cat. And then Honey had nearly run out the door again, because Nicky didn’t remember to shut the door _or_ the gate, and Bee came out from the back room just to see what all the noise was, and Andrew suddenly remembered why he didn’t invite any of his family over for the holidays.

Erik came in a few minutes too late to fully reign in his fiancé, who had already gotten a stiff hug out of Neil, a motherly embrace out of Bee, and a one-armed hug out of Andrew. He apologized before trying to do the same, and really, it was all too much for such an early morning. It wasn’t even nine yet.

Bee very politely suggested they take a nap downstairs, as long as Andrew didn’t mind, since they must’ve been flying all night. Andrew said it was fine, because why would he say no, as long as they just _slept_ in his bed and that was it, _or else, Nicky,_ which was met with a laugh and tired agreement, thankfully.

Andrew filled a wired Neil in on their holiday plans, and who else was probably going to show up at the shop at some point. Andrew also told him that he’d bring Honey with him to Bee’s, so Neil didn’t have to worry about her. Neil sort of gave him a strange look, but nodded and seemed to calm down a little. Andrew couldn’t wait until he met Aaron; he doubted either of them would really get along.

Nicky returned looking much more awake than he had in the morning and had all the more energy to pester Andrew. He didn’t mind it as much since it had been so long since he’d seen him; he could appreciate Nicky’s attempts to talk to him. Until, of course, he had to bring up Neil, and what his ‘deal’ was. Nicky got the hint when he refused to answer, and glared at him, and physically moved away from him so he’d stop talking and get the point. He had no doubt the topic would come up again when he was full of alcohol and emptied of inhibition and fear of Andrew

 

 11.

Nicky was very intoxicated and very talkative. Aaron had come with Katelyn the day before Thanksgiving and was staying until a few days after so they could avoid the lines at the airport. Both Katelyn and Erik had come with the promise to their families that they would be home for Christmas, so Andrew knew this would be the last time he’d see either of his family in a few months at least.

Right then it was good, though. He and Aaron had traded birthday gifts, since they’d had agreed on it a few weeks beforehand—somehow, like every year, they’d managed to get each other the same kind of thing. Andrew had bought Aaron a Ravenclaw scarf, knowing that house merch was mostly few and far between. Aaron had gotten him the same but for Hufflepuff, and admitted to finding it online after looking in every store he could think of. Nicky, well on his way to drunk, thought this was sob-worthy, and continued telling Erik some half mumbled story about Aaron when he was a child.

It was as close to perfect as their fucked up family was going to get, Andrew thought—especially after Katelyn gifted him home-made fudge and Erik and Nicky gave him and Aaron spiked German chocolate. They all knew him too well.

(Andrew was wearing Bee’s gift that night: a black sweater with one yellow stripe on the sleeves and collar, enough that Andrew and her knew what it was for but other people didn’t. They’d spent the day working, but that night they both stayed a bit longer after closing to have a cup of hot chocolate and talk a while. Bee knew he didn’t like big parties, and appreciated the quiet much more. They all knew him much too well.)

It was well into the night when Nicky started talking about Neil again. Instead of asking about him, however, he just asked what he was doing for Thanksgiving. Andrew didn’t know, and hadn’t thought to ask; when he told Nicky so, he pouted and said he could’ve invited him to Bee’s.

Andrew didn’t answer, though he agreed: the night would’ve been much more passable with him there, despite him not being completely family. It also meant Neil had probably been alone at the shop on a holiday, which made Andrew feel—something. He couldn’t really name what, but it wasn’t good.

 

 12.

The shop opened the day after Nicky left and the day before Aaron did, which left him hanging around with Katelyn all day. Honey was enjoying the company at least, acting like she wasn’t pet by strangers all day and didn’t sleep on a bed with Andrew.

The only problem opening day was the absence of Neil. When Bee checked upstairs she found the door locked, so they assumed he was up there still, though when they knocked there was no answer. Though he and Neil hadn’t really gotten along like Andrew predicted, Aaron still asked whether Neil disappearing was normal. Andrew said no, but really, it might’ve been—his odd tendencies, the jumpiness, the suspicion. Andrew wondered if he’d been planning to leave like this all along. Andrew wondered if it was selfish of him to wish he could have stayed.

The day was subdued and gray, even with Bee’s positive comments. Aaron realized Andrew was off and lingered longer than he should’ve, nearly missing his flight; only Katelyn managed to pull him away at the last minute. Even Honey was somewhat quieter, wandering around the shop as if looking for something. _Or someone,_ his mind supplied, and he wanted to hit himself.

No one came in so soon after thanksgiving, so Andrew and Bee closed up early. Bee told him to call her if anything happened or he needed anything, and he assured her he wouldn’t fall apart overnight. She left casting worried looks behind her, at Andrew quietly putting away what needed to close up.

It was very late at night when he heard the door upstairs unlock, and familiar quick feet step near silently down the stairs. Andrew was out of bed in a second, dislodging Honey from her place against his head as he darted up the stairs, catching Neil just before he started up to his rooms. ‘Catching’, meaning running up the stairs only to nearly run face-first into him. He looked surprised to see him there, even more so to see him awake. Andrew saw the deep bags, the bloodshot eyes with faded gray iris, the pallor and flush high on his cheekbones.

Without thinking, he asked, “Are you sick?” Even if it was pretty obvious that _yes, that was the problem._

Neil started to shake his head, then stopped and nodded, started to say something only to be interrupted by a coughing fit, and scratched out a weak sounding ‘sorry’ when he finished hacking his lungs out. Andrew dragged him to the kitchen to make him some tea and dig out Bee’s cold medicine, forcing both down his throat before asking, “Is this why you didn’t come down today?”

It was just one of the questions piled up in the back of his throat, but figured it was unfair to ask so much when Neil looked ready to keel over any second. Neil only nodded, staring down at his half empty cup of tea. They sat in silence before Andrew ground out, “You could have told us.”

It was a bit too close to what he wanted to say, but with the way Neil was looking at him, he’d heard it anyway: _we would’ve helped if you asked. We were worried today._ I _was worried today._ Neil stared like he’d said something profound, something meaningful. All that hate from the first few weeks came rushing back, and Andrew glared as he said, “Don’t look at me like that.”

Neil looked down quickly, but Andrew still saw the slight smile on his face, and he huffed. He jumped down from the counter and put both of their cups in the sink. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. Bee is gonna be pissed you didn’t let her help when you were sick upstairs.”

Neil definitely looked up at that, looking slightly paler than he had a moment ago, and Andrew almost laughed.

 

 13.

_(1:06am)_

_The idiot’s fine. He has a bad cold. I gave him tea and the cold medicine in the back of the cupboard and told him to be ready for your overwhelming motherly tendencies tomorrow._

_ (1:10am) _

_ Oh no! I’m glad he’s alright. Make sure he doesn’t go on a run in the morning, I’ll bring some extra blankets and things. I’m glad you were there to help :)) _

_(1:12am)_

_He’s already shaking in fear. Also, shut up. Who taught you to emoji?_

_ (1:15am) _

_ Nicky :)))) _

_(1:16am)_

_Damn him._

14.

Neil was out for another three days after that, smothered by Bee’s affection and Andrew’s ability to force him back up the stairs when he tried to come to work. He insisted he was ‘fine’, even when pale as hell and still sporting a mild fever. He didn’t complain as much when they sent Honey up there to keep him company, and as soon as his friends from the coffee shop knew they all came to drop off gifts and things to help him feel better. He only really started complaining about it when Matt and Alyson came in one day with what looked like an entire stack of just-bought movies he hadn’t seen yet (who the _fuck_ hasn’t seen Star Wars?) and a pile of soft blankets. When Neil told Andrew he had mostly been against it because he didn’t have a TV set, Andrew nearly fought him right there. Instead, though, he just told him they’d go out and get him one when he was better, and left before he could complain about that too.

After that, he and Neil started to be around each other a lot more. Andrew joined most days when Matt decided Neil had to see certain movies just then, bringing Honey and his own blankets, sitting among the employees Neil had managed to make friends with his short stay there.

There was, of course, Matt, and his girlfriend Dan. They were both the biggest advocates in the ‘Neil Has To Be Caught Up On Everything He Somehow Missed While Growing Up, Was He Actually Raised Under A Rock’ club, which Andrew grudgingly joined after Andrew found out not only had he not seen any Star Wars movies, but none of the Harry Potter series, _or_ any important children’s shows they had all seen.

There was also Allison, who Andrew didn’t talk to very much but related to a lot, with her very sarcastic nature and tendency to care about everything very roughly. She had taken most of Neil’s future weekends with promises to update his wardrobe (which Andrew thought he might come along for; Neil’s lack of style with clothes might’ve been the most insulting thing Andrew had ever seen. When they hadn’t talked as much, Andrew avoided him completely some days just because of his atrocious choice of outfit.)

Kevin was also there sometimes, having an odd relationship with all of them since he didn’t actually work at the Foxhole—Renee later told it was because Wymack was his father—though they’d only found out just recently—so he was over very often. He and Neil got along in an odd way Andrew didn’t try to understand, but cared in a gruff way that reminded Andrew of his father

There was also the employers themselves, who didn’t visit as much as send messages along with the other employees. Wymack and Abby were good people that Andrew never talked to, but knew well if only because they were college friends of Bee’s who came over frequently. On the rare days Andrew needed more than a cup of hot chocolate to keep him awake the rest of the day, he went to the Foxhole for coffee, and they both came out from the back rooms just to ask him how Bee, Neil, and Honey were doing, and then how _he_ was.

Andrew was not at all used to knowing so many people and having them know him in return, and it became a little overwhelming. Most days he could get over it, thinking of things Bee told him to help, but never really managed to shake the little bit that thought it was too much. On the days he couldn’t shake it off, the others were not the least bit put back by his silence. They didn’t ask questions he couldn’t answer without shaking or nodding his head, and when even that was too much, they stayed with him in silence, quiet understanding he didn’t expect to get from anyone but Renee and Bee.

Renee also fit in nicely with their new little group, already knowing the people from the Foxhole and slipping in easily with the rest of them. She still came on Mondays to talk to Andrew, giving a quick hello to Bee and Neil before continuing whatever odd conversation they’d had the week before.

He and Neil had also started the odd routine of meeting up in the morning before they opened. Andrew had made him stop going on runs in the dark and cold, so instead they sat together and had a drink, reading or talking like they had the night they’d both been up after nightmares. When they did talk, it mostly in traded truths the both of them wanted to tell the other. Andrew told Neil about how he’d met Aaron, the both of them ending up in the same college biology class when seated together alphabetically. Looking back, it was almost comical, and Neil seemed to think so too, what with his stifled smile. At the time, however, all Andrew could remember being was angry—angry at being lied to, angry at being surprised, angry at what he’d lost. Later, angry at his fuck-up of a mother, and angry that she’d crashed her own car before Andrew could meet her and tell her a few things. Then, learning about Nicky, his cousin who lived with his husband in Germany after going there for a year for school. Nicky was obviously ecstatic about having another baby cousin, while also being devastated his aunt would do something like that. Devastated, but not surprised, considering what his parents did to him.

Suddenly Andrew wanted to meet his uncle, also, just to have a few words with him.

Neil, in turn, told him about his travels in Europe, the people he met that tried to know him, the places he worked at despite being underage, the places he and his mother passed by that he’d always wanted to go back to and explore a bit more. Andrew didn’t push why he hadn’t gone, or why he couldn’t go back, or where his mother had gone.

It all came to a head one night after Neil had a particularly bad nightmare and practically fell down the stairs to the ground floor. Andrew, never a heavy sleeper, ran up to see what had happened, and after sitting him down, Neil had told him the whole story.

Andrew had suddenly wanted to meet Neil’s parents also, despite their absence.

Neil’s father was something of a business man with a really fucked up home life, a man with a lot of money to pay whoever he wanted to do whatever he wanted them to do. That meant when Neil and his mother had finally gotten away, they were chased by people with only money on their mind and no qualms about morals or who they were hurting. When Neil’s father was arrested, they stopped, but it didn’t stop Neil’s mother from continuing their fruitless trek across the world to get away from enemies that no longer existed. Neil finally got his mother to stop when she was already on the edge of dying, and called up his uncle to take her somewhere she could calm down. Neil, in turn, told the police everything he could about his father and his fucked-up business practices. He also left before they could try to help him, and he didn’t dare call his uncle with the fear that he’d take him back to London with his mother, who would probably blow up when she found out he’d gone to the authorities, despite locking his father in prison for multiple lifetimes and then subsequently killed in a prison fight.

After calming Neil down again, Andrew told Neil about his own experiences in foster care, jumping from home to home and not settling down anywhere, never trying to connect to anyone with the fear of being torn away from them. About his eventual escape, going to college on his own terms and meeting his brother on accident. It doesn’t feel near enough to what Neil revealed, but it doesn’t seem like he minded; color had returned to his face, and he looked a lot less panicked then he had earlier in the morning. Still, Andrew asked if he thought he’d be able to work that day, because Bee wouldn’t ask questions and Andrew knows from experience that that kind of attack can take a lot out of a person.

Neil says he’s fine, and when he gets a glare from Andrew, says he’s okay. “Talking about it helped more than I thought it would,” He says, and Andrew suddenly realizes he’s the first person other than the police that Neil’s told about anything. Once again, that _something_ comes up again, the feeling in his stomach that rises to his heart. It’s pleasantly strange, and he hates the fact that he likes it.

When he starts work a few hours later (after re-watching Harry Potter for the fifth time with Neil and Honey) Bee gives him a _look,_ like she knows what happened and approves of it. He tells her to shut up and ignores the heat he can feel crawling up his neck.

 

 15.

Andrew has a problem. He’s known it was a problem for a while, but he’s been ignoring it because he didn’t want to think about it.

He’s definitely thinking about it now.

His problem is Neil. Of course it’s Neil. It had been Neil when he came in looking like a spooked cat, and it was Neil when he was not talking to him, and it was Neil when he had disappeared for a day; it was Neil because it’s always Neil, and it will always be Neil. They had begun to talk more after their ‘heart-to-heart’, and now Andrew’s problem had become glaringly obvious.

He _liked_ Neil. Yes, he still hated him, he _loathed_ him, but he also _liked_ him, like he was some twelve year old in middle school. He liked Neil all the time, and it was getting on his nerves because no one looks nice all the time. No one looks _that_ nice. But he’s seen Neil at all hours of the day, in various states of breakdowns, and he _still looks nice._ What the fuck is up with that?

He couldn’t talk to Bee about it, because she would use her therapist voice to convince him to confess or something, and he couldn’t talk to Nicky because he’d just gush at his ‘little baby disaster gay cousin’, which Andrew _definitely_ didn’t want, and he couldn’t tell Aaron because he would just laugh and then hang up. Eventually he decided his best bet was Renee, because she wouldn’t push and would understand his struggle because she’d had a crush on Allison for years before Allison got tired of waiting.

“Maybe you should tell him,” the traitor said, smiling softly. “You never know what might happen. I was surprised when Allison asked me out.”

That would never happen because Neil was the most clueless person he knew. He wouldn’t know what a crush on someone was if it slapped him in the face, and he told her so. She just smiled instead of answering, which made him think she had inside information. He was about to press her about it when Neil came out of the back room and nearly ran straight into a wall, trying to keep a hold of Honey and a stack of books at the same time. Andrew settled for glaring at her before going to help.

 

 16.

December passed in a blast of cold wind and heavy snow, leaving cars entrenched in snowy graves and people walking around looking like the kid from _The Christmas Story._ The shop closed a week before Christmas, not only for the holiday but also because every one of their shipments scheduled for the coming week couldn’t make it due to the weather. Bee invited both Andrew and Neil to her house on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, telling them she had enough guest rooms. Neil only looked a little confused before agreeing, later coming to Andrew panicked about what he should get Bee, because he couldn’t get her a book and there was nothing else he could think of to get her.

They ended up going shopping with everyone, the Foxes included, because Andrew invited Neil and it went downhill from there. Apparently Wymack and Abby had let them out a week early too, with the promise they’d all go to the get-together the couple held the day before Christmas Eve at the Foxhole. They extended the invitation to Andrew and Neil as well, since Bee was already going.

This also meant that as soon as they got to the mall, Allison took over where they were going and what they were getting. Not that anyone seemed to mind; they didn’t know what to get for anyone either. They split up into groups, so they could buy each other something, too.

Allison went with Renee, because of course she did, and Dan and Matt had Kevin tag along with them. That left Andrew and Neil together, which is what he’d planned in the first place, but also more annoying because he was _told_ to do it. Neil didn’t seem to mind, though, and neither did Andrew; even if he was more of a friend of Neil’s than a friend of theirs, he enjoyed their company. He was enough of an adult to admit that, at least.

He and Neil wandered without having any destination in mind. They both had little idea what to get everyone, although Andrew knew what Bee and Renee wanted just from talking to them, and knew what everyone else was getting each other because they all told Neil about it. They ended up getting little things for everyone, and finished with bags from almost every store they went in to. Andrew didn’t realize how hard it was to buy things for so many people. Suddenly he understood when people talked about stressful holiday shopping.

They finished and met everyone back where they started, all of them carrying as many or more bags than him and Neil. Dan, Matt, and Kevin called Neil over to look at something, and as soon as Andrew was alone Allison pounced.

“So,” She started, trying to sound innocent; the look on Renee’s face said that whatever she wanted to talk about wasn’t going to be. “I heard from a little blue bird that someone’s having boy troubles.”

Andrew glared at Renee as he said, “Is that so?”

“Yes,” she said, baring her teeth more than smiling. Andrew took back any nice thing he’d ever said about her. “It is so. What a coincidence that another less-little bird said _someone_ is having the exact same problem.” Andrew looked up to Allison, and then over to where she was staring at Matt and Neil.

Andrew just hummed, watching as Matt pulled out something he bought to show it to Neil, watching the way his eyes lit up as he saw it. Andrew was _so_ fucked.

“I also have some information,” She continued, catching his attention again. “And that is that if you two are a thing by Christmas, I get two hundred dollars, so chop-chop, lover boy.”

“ _Allison,”_ Renee admonished before turning to Andrew, still smiling like Andrew didn’t look like he was about to stab her girlfriend. “What she _meant_ to say is that we thought it would be easier if you knew a little more about the situation. I didn’t think we should tell, but after our conversation earlier in the store—“

“We’re all tired of both of you look so doe-eyed over each other, Neil even more so than usual, so we decided to do something about it rather than wait until one of your dumb asses finally figured it out. Also, it wasn’t _really_ a secret since Neil’s been pining so epically over you it should’ve been obvious by now. Get your ass into gear already. Preferably before Christmas.”

“You are welcome to take your time—“ started Renee.

“But I’ll give you a cut if you hurry it up,” Finished Allison.

Andrew thought before saying, “50%.”

“Deal. Just get a move on.”

Andrew stared at her long enough to make most people uncomfortable, before saying blankly, “Fine. It was tiring watching you and Renee pine from afar, too.”

Allison laughed, leaving them to scramble for excuses when the others came over to ask what was so funny. It luckily gave Andrew a bit more time to think about what had happened, which gave him even more time to think a lot of very colorful words before and after both Allison’s and Neil’s names.

 

 17.

Andrew was in trouble. Real, actual trouble, because it was the day before Christmas Eve and he wasn’t drunk but everyone else was well on their way to be, and someone had finally convinced Neil to drink. It turns out that Neil didn’t drink for a very good reason, and that reason was that he was a complete lightweight.

Since Alyson and Renee had mentioned it, Andrew had been watching how Neil and him interacted, and he could see where they were coming from. He almost believed they were tricking him, but he knows Renee too well to ever think she’d try to lie like that to him. Then he’d been worried they’d somehow misheard, or Neil hadn’t really meant what he’d said to Matt and them. Then he told himself to shut up, because even _he_ was getting tired of his own constant pining.

Andrew was in trouble because Neil was now practically drunk at a Christmas party at the Foxhole, and kept looking at Andrew strangely. It seemed everyone was giving him weird looks that night: the Foxes all tried to catch his eye when he and Neil said anything at all to each other, and even Bee seemed to know something was up, because when he went to her to avoid all of their looks she gave him another therapist look. He really wished everyone would mind their own business.

Everyone except Neil, of course. Neil seemed just fine with hanging around Andrew the rest of the night, even when passably drunk and close to passing out. Neil wasn’t really anything drunk, just a bit louder and a bit more likely to start laughing at anything someone said. He thought drunk Neil was extremely fascinating; he got louder when he was excited and cheered with everyone else when presents were opened. Everyone seemed able to get him to laugh—Andrew felt like he was drunk being around Neil laughing the whole night.

In the end, Andrew drove both of them home, with promises to be at Bee’s as early as was possible the next morning. Andrew didn’t know how early that would actually _be,_ considering Neil had fell asleep nearly as soon as he’d sat down in the car. It had taken a lot of cajoling and pushing to get him out of the car and up the stairs and into his room, where he immediately got into bed after taking off his shoes and asked for Honey. Andrew acted annoyed about having to go get her from his rooms, but didn’t mind, really. He could do one night without Honey next to him.

He half expected him to be snoring when he returned, but instead found him looking at his phone with a furrowed brow and worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Andrew set Honey on the bed and asked what was wrong, to which Neil practically yelled ‘nothing’ back. Even in the semi-dark Andrew could see the red rising on his face, and he almost started laughing at how quickly Neil moved to close his phone and put it on the charger. He watched as he grabbed Honey and tugged her under the blankets with him, hugging her close to his chest. Andrew let out a soft ‘goodnight’, and was almost out of the room when he heard Neil say his name behind him.

Andrew turned to find half of Neil’s face tucked into the blankets, the lump near his chest that Andrew assumed was Honey trying to find its way out of them with little luck. Neil stared at him for longer than socially acceptable, but Andrew didn’t mind; it was late, and Neil was drunk, and it was Christmas Eve, which meant anything was allowed. Neil finally started to say something, and then stopped, before offering a quiet ‘goodnight’ back.

Andrew could hear Allison sighing exasperatedly from there.

 

 18.

Neil was nearly impossible to get up the next morning, but seemed to perk up as soon as Andrew fed him a bit. Andrew made a comment about not remembering getting another cat and got a middle finger in response, so supposed they were fine. Either Neil didn’t remember what had happened the night before or didn’t care, and both were just fine with Andrew. He’d rather forget it happened, too.

He’d woken up to multiple texts that morning from nearly everyone in the Foxhole. Most of them were disguises of well-wishes, with reminders to get his ass moving when it came to a certain oblivious redhead. He assumed that meant Neil had said something to them the night before, which left him wondering whether whatever it was between them was going to be awkward.  Of course, Neil being the way he was left everything unchanged. Andrew decided to take it as more of a blessing than a curse.

When they were both a bit more presentable they headed to Bee’s, overnight bags packed and Honey in the dreaded Plastic Box. Neil tried to calm her down the drive there, letting her tear apart his fingers through the grate door and telling her how close they were to Bee’s like she could understand him. Andrew hated that it helped.

They let Honey out of her plastic prison as soon as the door shut behind them, and she ran to welcome Bee ahead of them. Despite Honey’s love for Neil and Andrew, Bee would always be her favorite, and it showed in the way she was all over her when they walked into the kitchen. Bee told them from behind Honey’s head that they could leave their bags in their rooms, and could they help prep tomorrow’s dinner with her? She had her hands full just then.

Andrew and Neil spent the next few hours following Bee’s instructions and helping where they could. Unsurprisingly, Neil had close to no experience in the kitchen, but seemed to be eager to learn. Bee had her radio on, playing Christmas music quietly as they worked, and Andrew thought it might be the best Christmas he’s ever had, even when Neil dropped most of a bowl of filling onto the ground and Honey decided to roll in it like some kind of dog. Even as they tried to wash her off in Bee’s bathtub.

Later that night, when everything was prepped and put away in the fridge, and they were all sitting on the couch watching Christmas movies, and Honey was wrapped in a towel on Bee’s lap, Andrew let himself think that he wanted every Christmas to be like this one.

 

 19.

It was Christmas night, and Andrew felt content.

Bee decided to invite Wymack, Abby, and Kevin over that night, and the rest of the Foxes for New Years when they all came back from visiting family—which Nicky and Aaron had _also_ been invited to. He was not excited to see his family and the Foxes collide. There was also the fact that they were baking nearly all day after exchanging what gifts they had, and despite how gratifying it was to finish the dishes they’d been working on the past two days, the three of them were also exhausted from the work.

It was still good when they all sat down, though. Having everyone at the same table, even if it was only the six of them, felt good. Neil and Kevin got along as well as they always did, and Abby and Bee had gotten into a discussion about one of the dishes on the table, Wymack listening in and adding his own input. Andrew felt a part of it all, despite not talking to anyone in particular; he could feel Honey running up against his legs, and Neil was sat next to him gesturing wildly about something with Kevin nodding along excitedly, in Bee’s home with his and Neil’s and the bookshop just a block away.

He felt really, truly settled down for once in his life. The feeling of _home_ had always been a passing thing while with Bee, the days they spent reading or setting up the shop together; it had never really come in his dorm, or in his foster homes. Now, though, it seemed to take root, spreading warmth through his chest and all the way down to his toes.

Neil caught his eye next to him and smiled, his eyes glittering with something that looked like happiness, and Andrew thought, _fuck it._ He leaned in and asked Neil quietly if he could talk to him after dinner. He leaned back when Neil nodded, his smile a little smaller, more private.

They served dessert—the pie that had lost its contents to the floor the day before—and everyone quieted down a bit as the night dwindled, watching as Honey, never one to lose energy, ran through what was left of the wrapping paper near the tree. Everyone was done eating too soon, and while everyone went into the kitchen to clean up, Andrew tugged Neil’s sleeve and pulled him into the next room. Bee caught his eye on the way out and winked, which might’ve surprised Andrew the most that night.

Then he was stood in front of the Christmas tree facing Neil, and the words got stuck in his throat, staring at Neil. The warm lights from the tree lit up his hair and sent odd shadows across his face, made his blue eyes seem even impossibly brighter. Andrew could see every freckle across the bridge of his nose, the small scar on the edge of his top lip, the slight ridge to his nose that suggested it was broken at one point. Neil seemed content to stand and stare at him, but Andrew needed to tell him.

“Neil,” he said, pausing at how rough his voice sounded. He took a deep breath. “Neil. Since the day you came into the bookshop looking like a drowned rat, I knew you were going to be trouble. I guess I didn’t really know how much until it was much too late. Before I’d noticed, you’d invaded every bit of my day and the space I’d made my own the past two years, and I didn’t mind one bit. Mostly because you fit in so well, slipping into all the routines I’d set up with ease, but also because—I like you. Like, I _like_ like you. Like one of those stupid twelve year olds.” He stopped again to take another breath, and then said, “Yes or no?”

Neil took so long to answer, Andrew was sure he’d messed up astronomically, planning his escape to some far off island somewhere cold when Neil laughed—a bright, stunning note, that stopped Andrew from thinking anything else. Neil’s eyes were scrunched up and lips upturned in mirth as he said, “ _Fuck_ yes, Andrew. I thought you’d never ask.”

What else is there to say to that?

 

 20.

A lot, apparently.

It seemed like everyone had something to say about it, mostly variations of ‘finally’, and ‘it took you both long enough’. Even the older adults had something to say about it. They barely had to tell anyone about it.

Andrew did forget to tell a few people, though—namely, his immediate family. New Year’s came quicker than expected and soon enough his cousin and his brother were at their door.  

It didn’t take much to see there was something different between the two of them. Aaron noticed immediately, his only reaction rolling his eyes and going back to talking with Katelyn. It took Nicky most of the night and getting nearly black-out drunk to realize. There was, of course, mostly screaming, and a lot of jumping, and an aborted attempt at hugging which Erik swiftly stopped. Nicky said through loud, drunk crying that he was happy for the two of them, and called planning their wedding, because ‘there’s no way you won’t work out, you guys are so _cute_ together!’

All this because they’d been caught holding hands. Andrew couldn’t decide if he was happy or very annoyed.

At work, nothing changed aside from a few added bonuses. Andrew found out that as much as he told Neil off for staring, he did much the same when he wasn’t paying attention. They caught each other in the back, stepping away from the customers for a bit while Bee took care of the counter. Bee gave them nothing more than a pointed look when they came out looking more ruffled than they had before, and told Andrew with a smile later than night that it was ‘very unprofessional of him.’

Andrew was . . . calm. He didn’t know if he could call what he was happy yet, but he was pretty damn close to it. Closer than he’d been in a long time. He knew he couldn’t put all of it on Neil; his brother and cousin had found him, Bee had given him a home and a job and a cat, and Neil had filled in what was left. That didn’t mean Andrew wasn’t grateful—he made sure Neil knew how thankful he was every time their lips met.

He was calm in the way he was around everyone now. It felt like being around people was easier with Neil around. It felt like being present was less of a struggle as long as Neil was there. It felt _safe,_ at night when he would lay with Neil and watch reruns of shows he’d already seen. Neil would talk through half of it, and Andrew would have to explain half of the references they were making, but he enjoyed it too much to be truly annoyed by it—even if a half hour TV show took an hour to watch because Neil wanted to know what had been so funny.

Andrew thought he was good. He had more than he deserved, or so he though, and more than he’d ever wanted, or even thought to wish for. He knew, every time he and Neil did anything together, that he wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> lol idk how to end anything rip  
> Thank you for reading!!!


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